Stan makes Dipper clean off the Waddles-poop that gets on the roof
via reddit.com
how are they even alive
eucalyptus trees are full of flammable oil that causes the trees to explode during forest fires, killing other trees and spreading its seeds to grow in their place. koalas survive solely because nothing else in their environment Wants To Eat The Fucking Bombs
#I WROTE THIS POST#god dont get me fuckin started#the NUMBER of times ive Gone Off abt koalas in zooarch class#on a scale of koalas to wombats how good is ur marsupial at Being Alive#hey hey u know what else? koalas are so picky with their diet that theyll only eat the leaves of one (1) type of eucalypt#and even then ONLY specimens of that tree that are within a very tight geographic range of where the koala was born#the rescue centre in my city? they have to ship branches from all over the state bc koalas there physically Will Not Eat anything thats not#from their very very small very precise home range#theyd rather starve to death than try leaves from like the next suburb over#i have 60 other reasons why koalas spit in the face of natural selection hmu if you want YELLING i cant be bothered to list them all here#god theyre so incomprehensibly dumb. god#HEY ALSO the reason their brains are so small is bc YEah the one SINGLE species of tree they eat is incredibly toxic#their diet consists of 1 food and it is Brain-Shrinking Poison (@reyroace)
oh u like that? try this one: the main natural cause of death in koalas is starvation, because
1) their dumbass teeth are SHIT. to be a herbivore and chomp cellulose all day u need some real tough grinders in there, and almost every other herbivore in nature has SOME sort of dental adaptation to make sure they dont run out of tooth by the time they hit middle age. horses have big tall teeth, wombat teeth grow forever, kangaroos have got a little conveyor belt system goin on, etc etc everyone’s doin SOMETHING except fuckign koalas. idiots have tiny fuckin shortass normal teeth that do an okay job for maybe like 15 years and then wear down and leave them with ridiculous fuckin useless old man gums that do shit all. but thats fine bc all koalas do anyway is sit in trees and sleep 22hrs a day then wake up and scream and eat poison and they do this all day every day until they run out of teeth at which point they just fall out of the tree and die
2) idiots can’t die any other fuckin way bc nothing in nature wants to eat them bc their bodies are chocker block with LITERAL poison. fuckin USELESS their flesh just sits around and slowly rots bc its too gross-tasting and toxic for any animal w half a brain cell to think abt going near it. have yall ever seen koala viscera. bc i have and let me tell u that shit is RANK. looks like the inside of a smoker’s lung from some fuckdamn nicabate ad bc the tannins in eucalypt leaves stain their organs like khaki black. like some fuckin dark!steve irwin costume well better piss ur way right off from this one anti-steve bc thats a natural defense mechanism meant to warn u that koalas should in no way be alive and if u touch them theyll drag u into their stupid evolutionary dead-end where they get to sit around all day doin fuck all and pumpin themselves full of brain-killing poison while we run around makin them our olympic games mascots and pretending theyre cute and honest to god looking for ways to save them from the brink of extinction which actually is unnecessary bc a) theyre not really endangered at all, nature is a fuckign miracle and b) the drongos clearly want to die so i say let em
by the way i never elaborated on “koalas sit in trees all day screaming” but heres a lil fuckin. heres a fun nugget heres a lil soundbyte this is what koalas sound like
A few hundred years in the future a child summons Dipper to a get info for a history report they make a deal that includes that Alcor has to tell the truth about what happened which he does easily because he was there but the child fails the assignment. Why? It doesn’t match the common view of what happened. (think the idea that Paul Revere was the only midnight rider and not one of many) The child disgusted by this starts a life long quest to reveal the truth about history.
Mod S is a historian and approves of this headcanon
hey anon u a fan of these hands
you are banned from naming my biography when I die
haha isn’t that wild we both had such a weird fever dream that totally never actually happened ever
it’s KARKAT leave me aLO N E
I
oh ;;;;;;;
Dipper, who is having a real bad day and has turned back to his twelve-year-old form is summoned by a parent looking to help their sick child. He turns up with no fanfare and looking kind of pitiful and the parent can’t help but mother him. like they’re trying to make the deal but he just looks so sad and small and well not helpless but not like an all powerful demon. long story short Dipper gets hot chocolate and cookie’s and the parent get a very reasonable deal.
oh no my feelings
No one got hurt in this attack. Because the attacker did not use a weapon that can mow down people in seconds… it also didn’t happen in the US.
What’s that about “people will find a way if they really want to kill someone”? No, they won’t. Not having easy access to accurate, deadly, ranged weapons is an effective deterrent to a lot of potentially violent people.
(via My favorite D&D story)
I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING
I have reblogged this before and will again.
me, crouched down in front of my tomato plants, examining a pattern of insect bites on their lower leaves: i’m going to fucking kill whoever did this. i’m going to kill them for you. don’t worry, babies. I’m going to murder every single son of a bitch who ever got a mouthful of you. they’ll die screaming
my neighbor, who i did not realize was also outside, standing behind the fence: oh! okay. you’re talking to the plants. okay.
backup 