phantomrose96:

phantomrose96:

phantomrose96:

phantomrose96:

Yoooo so I got offered a position as a TA in my stats class next term it’s taught based on my performance and whatever. And I like that sort of work so I’ll probably accept it, except this class is offered to undergrad, grad, and PhD students, and even the undergrads are typically juniors at least.

Like Real Actual Adults are going to walk in with questions about problem sets while I, a mere Smol Child, probably sitting on a booster seat, get to explain stuff to them. I’m expecting at least several instances of *FMA secondary character voice* “Wait so YOU’RE the TA? I’m so sorry I had no idea you’d be so little.”

Gotta bring a sign along like “CAUTION: TA is young and small. Please do not offer her any alcoholic beverages or step on her thank you.”

Becca understands my struggle and has illustrated my point

it begins

Wait hang on this is even funnier now that, for one of the other things I’m (also!!) TA-ing, I’m head TA.

And for that class I’m in charge of 3 lectures during the term.

Like I step in for the prof. He doesn’t show up its just me.

-drags my booster seat up to the podium- “welcome to the Ivy League maggots” -whips out my sparkly hot pink notebook, slams down my matching glitter gel pen- “we don’t FUCK AROUND in my class got it?”

List of things to say when someone asks why you don’t want kids

catoncoals:

nerdfighterwhatevernumbers:

  • I promised my firstborn to a witch and really don’t want to make good on the deal
  • Well you can have them FOR me if it’s that big a deal to you
  • I don’t think I could get a good price for em on the black market
  • Fight me Helen
  • I can’t be a better parent than Angelina Jolie so why even bother
  • That’s my nindo. My ninja way.
  • I literally JUST sat down
  • Recite “The Highway Man” from Over the Garden Wall
  • Kids? What are those? I don’t understand. What are these youOH GRAVY WHAT IS THAT!?
  • Oohhh no, I’ve seen Disney movies, I know what happens to mothers
  • Centipedes? In my vagina?
  • *Angrily* YOU SEE!? This is just like that episode of Spongebob! *insert the plot of any episode of Spongebob in excruciating detail*
  • I heard they’re.. you know.. itchy. Like, as soon as you have a kid. Just totally itchy. Everything.
  • I’m an Aries
  • Well, we already got an even number so.. *shrug*
  • I must first capture the Avatar to regain my honor
  • I’m allergic
  • That’s just what the communists want!
  • I’ve been dead for seven years
  • Santa didn’t bring me one last Christmas, so I guess it’s no meant to be
  • I’m afraid they’ll have bad taste in memes
  • It would be unfair to my cat
  • I’m chaotic neutral
  • *long farting noise lasting at least 45 seconds*
  • “I don’t want to have children, I want to stay single, and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.”

I can’t have kids, but I feel this.