I am slowly indoctrinating @ancientouroboros in the TAU fandom (one of us! one of us!) and this headcanon came out of it:
– when the Library is just starting out, Stan writes a bunch of ‘ancient magickal texts’ because the real thing are either hard to get one’s hands on, prohibitively expensive, or don’t exist. Also, the one thing he’s really good at is faking supernatural baloney, and he has to keep his hand in when the Mystery Shack goes under.
– (Soos usually gets them off the shelves before scholars and researchers find them. Usually.)
– But it doesn’t matter if Soos misses one or two, because everything Stan makes up and writes down about magic is true. Even the most ridiculous bullshit, like ‘duck feathers are really good for increasing your ability to solve mysteries’. It’s like a curse. Stan hates it, and hates even more that people have started looking at him as an expert on magic in the post-Transcendence world.
– (Well, okay, so that part means he gets to lord it over Ford a bit, so maybe he doesn’t hate that part all that much.)
– As it turns out (when Ford sits down and studies the phenomenon to try to figure out just how his brother manages to be right about every single thing that he makes up off the top of his head, when Ford himself has been researching post-Transcendence anomalies for years and still hasn’t even published a single article, Stanley –), Stan isn’t describing things that are already true, he is actually writing new magic into existence.
– This is happening because he is ¼ secret witch on his mother’s side, and standing right next to a Demon Magic Explosion only made it worse.
– Now Stan has to be very, very careful what he promises customers
The fact that it only produces Monopoly money and sets off every anti-theft device and charm in a 50 yard radius is, as the thief is about to find out, only the beginning of their problems.
I totally found the car that Alcor drives when he’s pretending to be human and not blipping all over the place
@transcendence-au He uploads Al-V into the car’s computer system and, after a couple mishaps while Alvie figures out how to drive, Dipper officially has a chauffeur to take him anywhere.
(Fic open season…? If you write this, please tag me; I’d love to read it)
Gravity Falls had many Halloween Traditions, the Northwest Halloween Party, the Pine’s Candy Feast, and the Gravity Falls All You Can Burn Bonfire. David and Sarah for their part could have lived without the annual attempt to egg their house though.
It’s a shame that Mabel and Stan aren’t there to remind him that they (then Willow and her squad!) did the majority of the work at the Shack.
It would have prevented the Best Buy Disaster of 2187
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Headcannon: due to what I’m going to call “summoning experience” Acacia will at least try and barter half price on her glasses, as they only need one lense.
Reina tries to point out to her wife that she could wear contact lenses, to no avail.
Okay, you need to make sure you play this game at some point. Maybe not today or anything, because you’ll need about thirty minutes and a serious willingness to understand how it works, but – it’s so worth it. It’s basically an answer to our occasional frustration – why do assholes always come out on top? – and the beautiful thing about it is that not only does it explain how that happens, but also how we can change it.
“In the short run, the game defines the players. But in the long run, it’s us players who define the game.”
This is fascinating if you’re into math or sociology or computer programming or all of the above.
i have a fake son.
his name is Tim and he is working on his M.S. in astrophysics at Berkeley.
he is devestatingly handsome and enjoys rock climbing and volunteers as a counselor at the local YMCA there in Berkeley, California.
i am so proud of my fake son. i have raised him up in my own head to be such an outstanding member of society.
“Tim” is only brought up when asked about by one particular woman at work that i only see on occasion. i don’t make a habit or game of lying to people, but with her, it kinda came about as follows:
Faye is one of those people who has been there/done that and will hang herself on the cross while she tells you how much worse the experience was for her. i’ve seen this woman Kanye West an 8-month pregnant girl at said girl’s own baby shower to glorify the gift she gave her as well as go into how horrible her labor was with her own children. Faye also is a braggart. her car/purse/house/ring/shoes/etc. all cost more than whatever yours did and her children are all angels.
i was forced to work with Faye for 2 days about 5 years ago. she called me Emily a few times before i finally told her my name is Amy, not Emily. she gave me a sideways glance and said, “I like Emily better”, and since then, she has always called me Emily. i let this go because to get angry with her and tell her off is to see her become dramatic and begin crying and insist she did not mean anything by it while not issuing anything close to an apology. Faye is always right, too, you know.
anyway, when she shut up long enough about herself and her fabulous offspring on the second day, she asked, “Do you have any children, Emily?”
i replied that i do not. she then launched into her daughter taking fertility drugs so that she could give her mother grandchildren someday.
that was the only question she asked me until i saw her about a year later.
“Oh, HI, Emily! How are you?!”
“Hi, Faye…how are you?”
“Wonderful, wonderful. Stephen just graduated from UT. He’s going to be the best doctor ever! How is your son, uh, Tim?”
it took me a second. Tim? son? what the hell is she talking about?!
it dawned on me what a complete narcissist she truly is. she hadn’t heard me the day she asked if i had children, because she didn’t care. she didn’t care enough to call me by my real name, so it wasn’t much of a surprise.
i couldn’t stop myself. i briefly thought about correcting her, but i decided to just go with it.
“Tim is doing so well. He was just accepted to Berkeley after his amazing thesis on planetary nebuli. We are so proud of him.”
her eyes grew big. “Oh, how nice! But, Berkeley? That’s so far from home. UT is an excellent school; surely he could’ve been accepted there?…”
i gave a small chuckle. “Oh, well, they wanted him for sure, Faye. I mean, all the letters he received, practically BEGGING him to study there. But, well, they just don’t have a sufficient astronomy department. UT is a fine school, but not for the subject that Tim is going into. Astrophysics is not something you can study just anywhere, you know.”
her eyes narrowed. “Medicine is what these young people should be going into. Astrophysics? What is that, anyway? How will it contribute to the world?”
“Gosh, I don’t really know how to explain astrophysics, Faye. It’s so mind blowing for simple minds like mine and yours. But searching for things in space that could potentially help our planet is a pretty big deal, I think.”
Faye promptly excused herself. i knew i had gotten her.
i’ve bumped into her on and off throughout the past 5 years and she always told me how her angels were saving the world, especially Stephen, and then she’d ask about Tim. and i made sure my Tim was one step above her Stephen. her face would turn crimson and she would have to abruptly leave.
i saw her as i was leaving work yesterday and she stopped me to wish me a happy Easter.
“Stephen is coming home this holiday. He’s bringing his fiance. She’s a doctor too, you know. How is Tim? Don’t tell me he’s still not graduated?…”
“Oh, Faye, don’t be silly! Astrophysics takes YEARS to graduate from. It’s not as simple as medicine. But, yes, he is close to graduating.”
“Is he coming home for Easter? I can’t imagine spending holidays without my children; how dreadful! Oh, but he’s all the way in California…it costs so much to fly here, I assume.”
I grinned. “Yes, it does. But he’s such a sweetheart, he’s flying me out there this year! Taking a break from his studies and humanitarian efforts to have his dear ol’ Mom around for Easter. I’m so lucky!”
“…yes, well, have a nice time, Emily. Happy Easter!”
“You too, Kay! Oh, I mean Faye!”
you know, like i said before, i don’t like to lie. it does seem very silly to have let this go on for so long. Tim has been a fabrication in the making for over 5 years now, he almost feels real to me.
when i see Faye, i have images of my fake son, looking so handsome in his lab coat as he’s peering into a microscope looking at dust particles from a comet. i see him jogging with his dog on the beach. i see him hiking and biking and climbing. i see him helping an elderly woman with her groceries.
it’s a true testament that if you lie, or let a lie go on for a while, it becomes a solid thing that you have to keep up with.
oddly enough, i don’t lose sleep on this lie. i don’t see her often enough to fib about this on a daily or consistent level. Faye never cared anything about me or my life until she had something to try to one-up me on. SHE is the one losing sleep on account of her Stephen not succeeding quite like my Tim. it’s amazing how this lie has eaten her alive and made me feel proud of something that doesn’t even exist…
eh well.
i’ll be boarding the fake plane to Berkeley this afternoon, to celebrate Easter with my fake son.
Mama’s soooo proud of you, Timmy!
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