This is something I started when I saw that Headcannon about Hank being in denial about being a Mafia Don. I kinda stopped partway through so anyone who wants to finish this can.

Intervention

The first thing hank did upon entering the living room was immediately turn around to walk right back out.
Judging by how quickly the exit was blocked, his mother and girlfriend (future wife if the ring hidden inside the secret compartment in his suitcase had anything to say about it) had other plans.
“Nnnope. Sorry Hank,” and here Hank could almost hear Vivi at least try to pretend she was actually sorry… almost, “but this is for you own good.”
“Yeah Hank. You don’t have to be afraid. We’re all your friends here and we just want to help you.” His mother actually sounded convincing, though the effect was ruined somewhat by the smile on her face. It was the one Hank had long ago associated with someone in the room (usually Uncle Dipper) burying their face in their hands and asking the floor to eat them.
Before Hank could get a word in edgewise, the two women hooked their arms under his and bodily dragged him to a worn couch on the other side of the room, an impressive feat considering he’d been at least a foot taller than his mother since puberty. Hank would ask how his mom could do this, but he had seen her eat an industrial sized bag of gummy worms through her nose once. You don’t wonder how someone does anything after that. Ever.
Once he was seated, Hank could see that he was surrounded, facing almost his entire family and many family friends who were sitting on what seemed to be almost every chair in the Stanley Pines Memorial Library. Near the door was Great Grunkle Stan, who seemed to be a strange mixture of just-woke-up and vulture-that-found-a-bleeding-carcass. Not surprising since it was noon and the only thing that could wake Great Grunkle Stan from his nap was the sound of imminent humiliation. Over by the snack table were… Uncle Soos and Aunt Melody? When did they get back in Oregon? Aunt Melody was standing near the punchbowl with a cup and Uncle Soos seemed to be hanging a banner of some sort, though since one side was still on the ground, Hank couldn’t see much other than it was covered in glitter. Pacifica, Candy, and Grenda were to the left, Candy and Grenda whispering and giggling to each other while Pacifica just sat with her patented mixture of reluctantly indulgent and amusedly resigned. On the right, Aunt Wendy sat surrounded by children, most of whom were Soos and Melody’s, showing off her various weapons, scars, and stories about her “crazy awesome fights, man.” Nearest Hank were his Dad, sisters, Reina, and Vivi and his Mom who just sat down next to them. Topping it all off was Grunkle Dipper floating above everyone with the biggest shit-eating grin ever.
Hank didn’t even bother looking to his sisters for help, Acacia looked like she was about to explode from suppressed laughter and Willow seemed to be biting the inside of her mouth to avoid the same thing happening to her. Reina was busy trying to keep Acacia calm and both Mom and Vivi trapped him here in the first place, so that left Hank with one person to ask what was going on. Fortunately, Henry Pines was also the one person who might actually tell him.
Unfortunately, Hank’s dad seemed to be part of this, judging the apologetic smile. How had they gotten him to go along with this?
Since there was no sign of any information being offered, and because he could see everyone was just waiting for him, Hank decided to just sigh and ask the question he knew he was going to regret.
“All right, what’s with-“
“Oh hey wait dude!” It was, somewhat surprisingly, Soos who interrupted him. “I still need to do this.” That was when he moved the rest of the banner onto the wall and Hank could finally see what was written on it.
“Mob Bosses in Denial Anonymous”
Hank knew there was only one reasonable response to this.
It took and apologetic Dad, an unapologetic uncle, and an even more unapologetic Vivi to keep him from jumping out the window and hiding in the forest until their vacation was over.