someone spreads a rumour that Don Pines is the son of Mizar and the Woodsman. most people dismiss it and consider those who believe it crack pots. (cue new recruit learning most of the stories bout Hank are fake or exaggerations. “yeah where do they come up with this stuff. anyone who’s met the guy would no there no way he’s the son of Mizar and the Woodsman” “No that one true” “whaaaaaaaaaaaaat!”

The only thing would be is that I’m not sure that the Woodsman is that well known outside of Gravity Falls yet. By Hank’s adult life, most of the Woodsman’s shenanigans have been in GF. People are starting to be aware of the Woodsman (see, that one time in Eugene) but it’s not until Henry dies and the Woodsman starts roaming that his reputation grows.

As for Mabel- her friends and family know she’s Mizar. We know she’s Mizar. But the vast majority of the world would not, because her and Dipper (well, mainly Dipper) work very hard to keep it that way, for the safety of Mabel and her family. 

(also in the interest of Not Getting Arrested.)

On the other hand- Portland is still in Oregon and Mizar gets spotted everywhere, so I can see this rumor maybe popping up. Though only Hank’s close friends probably know who his parents actually are: Hank and his siblings were raised to be tight-lipped about such matters for their own protection.

Post Transcendence Plot Bunnies become a real thing. this causes issues.

“What are you drawing Acacia?”

Acacia, who had a crayon sticking out from behind her ear, and another stuck in her pony tail, looked up.

“I saw a bunny then I wanted to draw a pony.”

Dipper looked down. The pony, which was pretty expertly rendered considering the artist was only eight, was currently devouring another horse whole. Acacia had done a particularly good job on the blood splatter. 

As a responsible adult he should probably be worried about this but, eh, this appealed to his aesthetic tastes pretty hardcore.

“Cool.”

It was a bit of a surprise to see Hank at the kitchen table surrounded by colored pencils the next day. Hank had as much of Mabel’s creativity as Acacia did, but it usually came out through violin practice. 

Dipper leaned on the table to get a look. “What’re you doing buddy?”

Hank, fastidiously sharpening a pencil over a napkin, said “I saw a bunny and now I feel like coloring.”

Hank wasn’t good with living creatures like Acacia was, but when his older sister roped her siblings into coloring with her, he usually drew cars. 

On the piece of old computer paper from the library, the Stanmobile was mowing over crowds of stick figures on a street. 

“Looks pretty good Hank.”

“I think it needs more blood.”

“You’re almost out of red pencils.”

“I know. Can I trade you a Tootsie Roll for some more?”

Dipper grinned.

“Make that five Tootsie Rolls and then we will talk.”

It wasn’t until he saw Willow on the floor of her bedroom with a ballpoint pen and some cardboard that Dipper knew something was up.

Especially since Willow had to have two teachers trace her hand when they did Hand Turkeys in kindergarten. 

He sat down next to his niece. “Don’t usually see you drawing.”

Willow nodded. “I know. I saw a bunny and then I wanted to make this.”

The lines were nowhere close to straight, but she was still managing a passable labyrinth, in a pattern that Dipper had only seen in some of the more esoteric and Lovecraftian grimoires that existed and-

Fuck.

Bunnies. 

“Where did you see the bunny sweetie?”

“Mmmm out by the trashcan. Me and Caci were helping Hank take out the trash.”

“Thanks Little Fighter.”

Dipper stood up, and went to get ready to pay a personal visit to Uncle Ford.

Seriously. The amount of new fauna the forest was spitting out was starting to get ridiculous.

The Pines Family as a Pokémon team.

yes Mable the Clefable has to stand on a box

(originally Willow was going to be a Litwick but I wanted Hank to be a Honchkrow and it felt weird to have her be the only unevolved Pokémon)

The problem with Hank is pretty simple. That as much as he hates it he has internalized the idea that he’s “the normal one”. The issue being he’s normal for a PINES! He is still a supernatural mob boss, who can talk to the embodiment of Portland and had a demonic uncle at his beck and call. That’s why he has such a hard time understanding how intimidating he can be. He might not be when standing next to the rest of the family but he forgets he’s not next to the others in Porland.

Everything is relative, especially with relatives like these.